YA MUMS SO FAT JOKES:
ya mum is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.
ya mum is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.
ya mum is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear ”Caution! Wide Turns!”
ya mum is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
ya mum is so fat, that she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
ya mum is so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and a helicopter landed on her.
ya mum is so fat, when she steps on scales it says: To be continued.
ya mum is so fat, when she went to the beach, green peace came and rolled her back in the water.
ya mum is so fat, when she went to Japan she got harpooned.
YA MUMS SO UGLY JOKES:
ya mums so ugly she put the Boogie man out of business.
ya mums so ugly she makes Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
ya mums so ugly when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
ya mums so ugly when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
ya mums so ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
ya mums so ugly minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
ya mums so ugly when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks
ya mums so ugly they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
ya mums so ugly when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
ya mums so ugly your Dad takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye...
ya mums so ugly she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
ya mums so ugly she was a guard at Snake Mountain
YA MUMS SO STUPID JOKES:
ya mums so stupid I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
ya mums so stupid she makes Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
ya mums so stupid she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
ya mums so stupid it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
ya mums so stupid when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
ya mums so stupid she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
ya mums so stupid she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
ya mums so stupid she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
ya mums so stupid she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
ya mums so stupid she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
YA MUMS SO POOR JOKES:
ya mums so poor that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
ya mums so poor they put her photo on food stamps.
ya mums so poor when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
ya mums so poor she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
ya mums so poor burglars break into her home and leave money.
ya mums so poor when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
ya mums so poor the building society repossed her cardboard box.
ya mums so poor she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
ya mums so poor each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
ya mums so poor she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
ya mums so poor when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
ya mums so poor i caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
YA MUMS SO OLD JOKES:
ya mums so old she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
ya mums so old Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
ya mums so old when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
ya mums so old she still owes Moses a dollar.
ya mums so old when she was at school...there was No history class!
ya mums so old she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
ya mums so old she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
ya mums so old when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
ya mums so old she remembers when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
ya mums so old the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
ya mums so old when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
ya mums so old she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
ya mum is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.
ya mum is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.
ya mum is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear ”Caution! Wide Turns!”
ya mum is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
ya mum is so fat, that she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
ya mum is so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and a helicopter landed on her.
ya mum is so fat, when she steps on scales it says: To be continued.
ya mum is so fat, when she went to the beach, green peace came and rolled her back in the water.
ya mum is so fat, when she went to Japan she got harpooned.
YA MUMS SO UGLY JOKES:
ya mums so ugly she put the Boogie man out of business.
ya mums so ugly she makes Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
ya mums so ugly when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
ya mums so ugly when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
ya mums so ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
ya mums so ugly minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
ya mums so ugly when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks
ya mums so ugly they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
ya mums so ugly when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
ya mums so ugly your Dad takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye...
ya mums so ugly she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
ya mums so ugly she was a guard at Snake Mountain
YA MUMS SO STUPID JOKES:
ya mums so stupid I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
ya mums so stupid she makes Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
ya mums so stupid she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
ya mums so stupid it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
ya mums so stupid when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
ya mums so stupid she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
ya mums so stupid she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
ya mums so stupid she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
ya mums so stupid she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
ya mums so stupid she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
YA MUMS SO POOR JOKES:
ya mums so poor that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
ya mums so poor they put her photo on food stamps.
ya mums so poor when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
ya mums so poor she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
ya mums so poor burglars break into her home and leave money.
ya mums so poor when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
ya mums so poor the building society repossed her cardboard box.
ya mums so poor she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
ya mums so poor each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
ya mums so poor she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
ya mums so poor when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
ya mums so poor i caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
YA MUMS SO OLD JOKES:
ya mums so old she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
ya mums so old Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
ya mums so old when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
ya mums so old she still owes Moses a dollar.
ya mums so old when she was at school...there was No history class!
ya mums so old she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
ya mums so old she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
ya mums so old when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
ya mums so old she remembers when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
ya mums so old the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
ya mums so old when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
ya mums so old she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
BY KARLEE CHASE AND ALANA BEASLEY ;)